


Some Things You Just Know

by i_amnerd



Category: The West Wing
Genre: Angst, Friendship, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-19
Updated: 2014-09-19
Packaged: 2018-02-17 23:45:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 603
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2327522
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/i_amnerd/pseuds/i_amnerd
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam kind of loses it a little (a lot) after finding out about the President's MS.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Some Things You Just Know

You walk into Sam's office and find him crouched under the desk having a panic attack. You coax him out and hold him as he tries to breathe. Tears stream down his face and you feel moisture on your own cheeks. You realise that everything has changed.

"Sam?" You whisper as if raising your voice will shatter him into a million pieces, "Sam, breathe. Look at me. Look at me!" You turns his face towards you with both hands. You're kneeling on the floor. His eyes are big and blue and pleading, "It's okay. You're here, you're safe. I've got you."

"Toby..." He whispers brokenly, his head falling forwards to rest of your shoulder. He's breathing easier now. The moment has passed and the panic is slowly being pushed back into he recesses of his mind. There it will lie dormant until the next time he is floored by a sudden shift in perspective, dissociation, an inability to connect with his presence in the here and now. The need to be grounded, to be anchored to reality, suddenly overwhelming. Confusion taking over.

This is the first time it has happened but you know instinctively that it will not be the last. Sam's world view has been rocked too many times in recent months, the men in his life repeatedly failing to live up to his expectation of the truth. He hadn't even wanted the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help me God. All he wanted was enough to feel as if his life meant something, as if it wasn't all a lie. When his father had let him down, he'd turned to President Bartlett and been let down once again.

"It's okay." You whisper, knowing full well that it isn't okay and that it might never be okay ever again. You see, out of the corner of your eye, Ginger shutting the door and you flash her a grateful smile. You think it comes out as more of a grimace but she returns it all the same. Her eyes are full of fear and pity and love.

"Toby, I can't... I don't..." He gasps.

"You don't have to explain." You tell him, your arms tightening around him, pulling him closer, "It's okay."

A sob escapes Sam and he collapses to the floor like all the air was suddenly let out of him. The tears come thick and fast, even as you see him desperately trying to hold them back.

The door opens and Josh is there. You stare up at him, aware that your own gaze is lost and pleading. He nods once and sits down, placing a hand on Sam's back, making sure that the younger man knows exactly what he is doing. A wave of sadness sweeps through you as you realise that Josh has experience with this.

Josh rubs circles on Sam's back and he finally begins to relax. He's still clutching onto you as if you're the only thing anchoring him to reality. Perhaps you are and isn't that a sobering thought?

There's a noise at the door and you look up. It's CJ. She looks hesitant but she pushes the door shut and comes to sit, cross-legged, next to you. Like Sam says, there are some things in life that you know.

You know that despite being soft spoken, you will always manage to be the loudest voice in the room when it really matters. You know that President Bartlett is a good man, if not a perfect man. You know that the four of you will always stick together, no matter what.


End file.
